How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
