I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize