I can text with my tongue
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
