You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
