White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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