there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
