ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
