I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize