Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
