i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
