wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
