I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I believe in your delicious
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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