There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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