my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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