whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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