dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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