i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
