My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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