You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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