Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
