Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
