Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
