you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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