You don't have asthma, your pregnant
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
