Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
