If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
