Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
