legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
