Tell her she can't have a vagina
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love having hate sex.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
