hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
