my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
