It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
