she was so not down for the gang bang
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
