if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
