I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize