He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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