dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
