I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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