I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
