I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
