Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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