i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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