He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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