Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize