Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
