All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
