I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
