i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
