he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
