My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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