Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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