maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
