i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
