I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
