sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
