The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
