I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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