I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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