Too much gin, very little bucket
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
