Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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