By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
