Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
