Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
