what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
