There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize