2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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