Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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