after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
