If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
