This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
