Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
