I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
