this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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