No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this will be a night to untag.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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