can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
