Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
