Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
