I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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