Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
