In the future we'll all be gay
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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