got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
time to smoke my breakfast
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So squirting runs in the family.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
