You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize