hell yes lets make some ravioli
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
