So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't want my vagina anymore.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
