After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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