you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
